To show that I am listening, I make eye contact with the speaker and react to their words. I don’t just smile and nod to be polite. I react authentically and show the speaker that I am interested. It is normal and usually encouraging for the listener to look at the speaker.
While maintaining eye contact is the key, I want my eye contact to be gentle and not too firm as it can come across as intimidating. Yes, eye contact can be intimidating, especially for more shy speakers, so I maintain eye contact without staring or glaring. I try to gauge how much eye contact is appropriate for any given situation, and of course, I combine eye contact with smiles and other non-verbal messages to encourage the speaker.
Activating smile power, when appropriate, is always a good approach, and I hope that my genuine smile tells those around me that I am approachable, cooperative, and trustworthy. Facial expressions trigger corresponding feelings, so the smile I get back, hopefully changes that person’s emotional state in a positive way.
I also keep reminding myself that I have to control my need to contribute to the conversation. It is a particularly good rule to keep in mind for anybody in a management or leadership position, because anything you say can quickly overwhelm a discussion and make people shut down.
Perception is a powerful thing, so I do want to look like I am listening. You will probably think that I try to manipulate the perception for my audience, but my intentions are good here. It may be unavoidable, if I am to continue to make a conscious effort to demonstrate a better listener’s body language.
The more conscious I am of these factors; the easier active listening will be for me.
"Activating smile power" is an amazing quote! I love that - and it's so true. You can really tell when someone is genuinely listening to you, or when they're just letting you finish your thought so they can have a turn to talk. Non-verbal communication is just as important as verbal communication!
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