Demonstrate physically that I am listening

This year, I want to continue to try to improve my listening to my team at work and those I am closest to in life outside work.

To show that I am listening, I make eye contact with the speaker and react to their words. I don’t just smile and nod to be polite. I react authentically and show the speaker that I am interested. It is normal and usually encouraging for the listener to look at the speaker. 

While maintaining eye contact is the key, I want my eye contact to be gentle and not too firm as it can come across as intimidating. Yes, eye contact can be intimidating, especially for more shy speakers, so I maintain eye contact without staring or glaring. I try to gauge how much eye contact is appropriate for any given situation, and of course, I combine eye contact with smiles and other non-verbal messages to encourage the speaker. 

Activating smile power, when appropriate, is always a good approach, and I hope that my genuine smile tells those around me that I am approachable, cooperative, and trustworthy. Facial expressions trigger corresponding feelings, so the smile I get back, hopefully changes that person’s emotional state in a positive way.

I also keep reminding myself that I have to control my need to contribute to the conversation. It is a particularly good rule to keep in mind for anybody in a management or leadership position, because anything you say can quickly overwhelm a discussion and make people shut down. 

Perception is a powerful thing, so I do want to look like I am listening. You will probably think that I try to manipulate the perception for my audience, but my intentions are good here. It may be unavoidable, if I am to continue to make a conscious effort to demonstrate a better listener’s body language. 

The more conscious I am of these factors; the easier active listening will be for me.

How I practice active listening

Have you ever had a conversation with someone, and while they are talking you say, “I see,” “Hmm,” or even “Interesting”… but when they are finished, you ignore everything they said and go in with your pre-planned response? That’s called passive listening. 

When we practice active listening, we make the other person feel heard and valued. In this way, active listening is the foundation for any successful conversation. It serves the purpose of earning the trust of others and helping you to understand their situations. 

Active listening at work is particularly important if you are in a supervisory position or interact with colleagues. Active listening allows you to understand problems and collaborate to develop solutions.

I am trying to do better with active listening. Today I am sharing some of my verbal behaviors to show that I listen well when somebody talks to me. My next post will be about nonverbal behaviors I use to indicate I am paying attention. 

To show that I understand what the person is saying I paraphrase what the other person is saying to show you get the meaning. I ask open ended question. I ask questions that don’t have a simple “yes” or “no” answer to keep the conversation flowing. 

In addition, I try to include validation. I reinforce what the person is saying by indicating I understand. I also use the speaker’s name. That helps the person feel more valued by repeating their name at various points in the conversation or when I want to show I hear them.

It is pretty easy to nod my head and even easier to use the other person’s name. However, showing that I am not only paying attention but also comprehending takes some practice.

I remain committed to practice active listening and become better listener. I will also remember that listening is an active contribution to conversational dynamics rather than a passive act of receiving information.