I have some feedback for you

When someone says, “I have some feedback for you,” the brain usually interprets these words as an attack. A common response is defensiveness.

While we have all been on the receiving end of criticism – that uncomfortable conversation often toned down by pleasantries – it is neither easy to give nor take.

Resisting receiving constructive feedback does not make the feedback disappear, nor does it improve your effectiveness: Feedback is a gift, not a punishment. Resisting feedback keeps a person from improving. View criticism as an opportunity to grow. 

While receiving positive feedback is encouraging, receiving constructive feedback can be difficult. Even though everyone makes mistakes and has room to improve, accepting constructive feedback in a positive way is still a challenge. 

Dealing with criticism is a part of life. Criticism can result in aggression, ill-feeling and stress but it does not have to be like this. Work on being a less sensitive person. Learn how to be more emotionally stable and deal with negative judgements.

Why validation matters

Validation is a communication skill that can help both parties in a conversation feel heard and understood. It shows that you are truly listening to understand the other person’s feelings and point of view, even if you disagree. 

Validation is particularly important during emotionally charged situations. It can be really hard to listen and respond to someone in an understanding way when you are upset, or your experience differs from theirs. 

An empathetic, nonjudgmental response can reduce how often and how severe conflict is when it surfaces, which can help you improve your relationships. 

On the other hand, responses that are dismissive, defensive, or rejecting tend to escalate arguments and lead to misunderstandings, and they can make you or the other person feel unimportant, angry, or ignored.

Some people may be reluctant to validate someone they think is wrong. Validation is not agreeing. It is legitimizing. It is signaling “it is OK that you feel that way, given all you've been through.”

Your relationships will benefit when you communicate that you are validating the other person’s viewpoint. If we can become more validating friends, we will make our friends feel safer, happier, and better about themselves.